ABC's of Relationship Banking [ A simple way to stay out of debt in your relationship ]

Now don’t call your stock broker or financial advisor, because I am not talking about money. But what I am talking about will cost you a lot more than just your pocket book. Now let me tell you from personal experience that you do not want to learn these things on your own. Some things are better learned from others, at their expense.

First let’s talk about the basics.

You have Credits or Deposits, there are Debits or Withdrawals, eventually in your relationship you will earn equity, with trust and responsibility you will be issued overdraft protection. (Just a recommendation; don’t ever use this, even if you have it.)

A – Always keep accurate records, do not leave anything to chance. Most people never balance their relationship account and therefore quickly get overdrawn before they have overdraft protection or any equity in the relationship. This is strictly done out of laziness. There is no reason in the world that you should lose your relationship over poor financing. That is stupid. Michael start balancing your relationship accounts. Damn why am I so stupid. (Now remember I told you not to do as I did, but do as I say)

B – Be proactive, do not let anything sit. Deposit slips filled out but not in the bank are not going to clear. Your balance will not reflect anything that is not complete and accurate. Take time to make sure that you have checked the statements that she gives you with the receipts of all credits and debits that you have made for the current month. Do not let this pile up or you will lose track and end up losing your relationship. The root of this is laziness and getting comfortable in the relationship (oops)

C – Communicate, now that doesn’t mean talk or my relationship would have 5 stars and I would be awarded a medal of honor. What I am talking about is listen. Ask a question and sit through the awkward silence of her thinking about what she wants to say. When she answers repeat it back to her, make sure you “heard” what she said and not “what you think” she said. Pay attention, every missed word is a withdrawal that you cost you dearly. Every work that you take in and process will end up in a credit when you can recite back what you have heard and show that you understand it.

D – Deposit, I recommend making an official deposit every single day. Make sure that you are saving up for times that will tax your relationship heavily. Do plan for the future, know that lean times will come and you must be prepared. Many deposits don’t really cost that much, so many them quickly and often. Also be aware that when withdrawals are made if there are insufficient funds you will be charged fees and fines. If your account stays in the red, just like a bank account it will be closed. Don’t ruin your account to overdraft issues. And remember just because you have overdraft protection doesn’t give you the right to use it. It is for emergencies only.

E – Everyday let her know that you are prepared to do business with her. Whatever she negotiated for when you met realize that it was the market value for the relationship at the time. Pay it! Remember she has earned the right to do business with you and don’t shop around on her. (This I had down pat, but I am in sales and hate to be shopped) Don’t make the assumption that just because you have been in a relationship for a long time that you automatically have relationship equity. Wow, revelation remember you haven’t really been keeping up with the books, and you cannot remember when the last time you balanced the account so why would you assume you have any equity to draw against?

F – Forget, whatever you knew about women. It doesn’t matter what your x did, thought, liked or disliked. What matters is what “she” thinks, likes, and dislikes. One of the worst withdrawals you can make is from assumption. Just like in the real estate market there are no more “non-qualifying” assumptions. NO CREDIT - NO RELATTIONSHIP! If you keep what other women thought on your mind you will have another X to remember. Keep current; remember only what the one that matters thinks is important.

G – Get a plan; more relationships go bankrupt every year from the lack of, or a poorly executed business plan. Now here again let me caution you. Just because you have a great plan, doesn’t mean she will buy into it. In fact if you move quick, talk fast or just plain bulldoze over her with your plan and run down to the bank to file it, doesn’t mean she will be there when the doors open. The true trick here is to let her be actively be involved in the decision making process. Make sure to get her input. Without buy in she will be prone to dissolving the company before it ever reaches its potential. This also cancels the relationship account, so don’t fall for the “I’ve got a dream” scheme. She doesn’t care, if she doesn’t feel that she had a part in the building of that dream you might as well close the account yourself.

H – Help, don’t ever be afraid to get help. Keeping two people on the same path is difficult and most cannot do it alone. Realize this early and make adjustments to your account so that it will last the test of time.

I – Ignite, maintain your passion for each other. Don’t let a day go by that you don’t show her your passion for her.

Now I could tell you so much more, but for now take this in and practice it. Without practice it is all in vain. “The best laid plans of mice and men.” – Don’t let your account become a casualty of a good plan not executed. Plan your work and work your plan. Involve her in every step, and remember you’re in it to win it. 2nd place is the first looser. Take no prisoners if it is out to get your account kill it. I hope this will benefit you.

Just2Pirates

All lovers swear more performance than they are able… -- William Shakespeare

Who needs a little romance?

When you think of romance you might think of flowers or candy. The idea of romance might make you think of Valentine's Day etc. Romance is described in many definitions Romance is a general term that refers to an intimate and often sexual relationship between two people. Now notice that it is often a sexual relationship, but it doesn't have to be a sexual relationship in order to be romantic.

When I think of romance I also think of the Romantic Period, which from a historians view was several times in history where great contributions were made in separate artistic movements. But the point is that it was a creative time in history. Romance is also viewed as a creative expression of one's love and desire.

Being the type of person that I am I cannot fathom a world or a way of living that does not exhibit romance. Now I am not talking about flowers on Valentine's Day, I am talking about a way of life. The definition also speaks about a feeling of excitement about a relationship or about love. This is by definition the way we should conduct ourselves.

We should ALWAYS be excited about our relationships, and should constantly be striving to show our love in creative and romantic ways. To exhibit this only on Valentine's Day or a Birthday is like deciding that your love will only be shown 2 out of the 365 days a year. Why would we settle on such an important issue and show our lack of effort and compassion. Living in the status quo, and not taking advantage of our passion and creativity to fuel our relationsips and keep them whole.

What happened to us as a society that we can go day to day without this excitement, this intimacy that we have toward the ones that mean the most to us. What is this saying, "I do not love you enough to be creative and think of new ways to exhibit my love and excitement for you." And if you noticed this form of expression does not have to have any sexual contact or relations to be manifested.

Romance, creativity and relationship "newness" is what keeps the excitement going. Keeping your relationship "fresh" is what establishes healthy relationships that pass the test of time. Neglecting romance, removes the passion from your relationship. And if you didn't know an intimate relationship that is lacking passion will fall apart and go by the wayside.

Strive to be creative, looking for new ways to please your partner. Constantly maintain your excitement for one another. Show you partner that they are "worth" your time and effort/energy to bring new ideas to light. Romance is still sometimes viewed as an expressionistic or artful form, and requires effort and thought. It is a skill worthy of being practiced and perfected, just as your relationship is worthy of the respect and care that you give it.

I for one need some romance…

For a relationship to stay alive, love alone is not enough. With imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining.~James Hillman

Open Mind or Never Mind…

I like to think minds are like parachutes they work better when they are open. Even though I have strong opinions on most subjects I never rule out anything. I expect those that are close to me to keep an open mind and to understand how to communicate their thoughts and desires. One big relationship killer is assuming that the other one knows what you want, need or desire. An open line of communication is needed at all times to allow the relationship to flourish.

I hear statements all the time like "you should know this or that" well only if I am a soothsayer. LOL You can never assume that someone knows what your needs are; beyond the food, shelter, love there are many options that not everyone wants after that point. Sex is a general term that we use to describe the physical act of intimacy but really it is very broad based and is not specific enough to mean anything. When we get down to physical needs, desires and wants we must be open and honest. We must communicate by word or action what we like and no not like. Never think once is enough. Once isn't enough to know and once isn't enough to remember! Gentle reminders and open experimenting will allow you to embed your needs and desires in someone.

I have been around many that profess to have an open mind to spout off things like, "I would never do that," or "how could someone try that?" What surprises me is how people will judge others when they have no background or information to substantiate such actions. It is hard for someone to stay that they are "in the lifestyle" and turn around and pass judgment on others. We must allow everyone to learn and grow at their own pace and allow each other the time to experiment to find out what satisfies their desires.

If you are not interested in something that is fine, but how can you talk against someone else's desire to participate or explore something. We all do things that are important to us, that do not affect others or are of interest to everyone. How true of any area of a person's life, whether it is a professional, sexual or political we all have views about the way we wish to conduct ourselves that may or may not be how everyone else conducts themselves. A part of the message is acceptance, we must accept that others have the right to have different views and or desires than we do and that is ok.

I live pretty openly; I speak my mind and really do not apologize for my actions. If you do not approve of my sexual appetite, or the way that I live you can just pass me by. I do not expect that everyone thinks the way that I do, in fact most do not. Very few are going to find my way of living to their liking. I do not live for them, nor do I apologize for having a lust for life and the desires and pleasures that come from being passionate for life and everything that I touch. I am a bit OCD and a tad bit ADD, but I am driven by my desire to understand and experience all that there is experience with my 6 senses.

My experiences go way beyond my years. I do not judge others for their journey and expect the same courtesy. You do not have to live my life, but I do expect the opportunity to live unobstructed. I am always seeking those that are wandering in search of new experiences and things to learn and explore. I do not relate to those that have "died to themselves." I live to explore and experience all that is available in hopes of better understanding myself and the world around me. Transparency, Trust, Open Communication, exploration all of these foundational elements are key ingredients in keeping a relationship strong. The ability to keep and maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship are a skill set that requires effort and patience. These are skills that we learn and are not born with. In many cases they are fundamental skills that even our parents didn't have and even if they did were too intimate to teach in western culture.

Learning how to please, satisfy and fulfill someone is a job in itself and to maintain a healthy balance in the lifestyle where the excitement of exploration can overwhelm a couples senses is a difficult line to walk. Getting to a place in your relationship where you can speak freely enough to make your desires and fantasies known and even more to be able to act those out with someone you love is priceless. Experiences are empty unless you have someone to share them with. But having someone that truly will allow you the freedom to experience and express yourself as you need and desire to will allow you to be fully sated sexually. Learning how to manage the relationship and give each other the freedom to express themselves sexually is a goal worthy of attaining.

Happy exploring,

Just2Pirates

So you’re a swinger now what?

What is funny is how many people come and go from the lifestyle. If you were to ask 100 people about the lifestyle you would get 100 different answers. Of course the lifestyle means different things to different people but the basic tenants should be close to the same for everyone. People have a natural desire to sexually experiment and explore their sexuality. Sexual desire is one of the human body's strongest motivators.

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the lifestyle that I think if they were more understood people would have a better experience and last longer in their experimentation.

I think a good lifestyle experience is dependent on several things:

1. Emotional maturity
   
2. Sexual awareness
   
3. Motivations behind experimentation
   
4. Strength of the relationship
   
5. Level of personal confidence
    

What seems to happen is that people enter into the lifestyle for many reasons many of them being inappropriate and it becomes the last nail in their relationship coffin.

The lifestyle is not a free for all; it is about respect, trust, mutual understanding and about sexual exploration and fulfillment. It is not about being reckless, disrespectful, indiscriminant, pushy, arrogant or distasteful in any way! The average couple that is involved with the lifestyle is educated, upper middle class, has respectable careers, well cared and devoted on children and generally is cognizant of their social responsibility.

Those that benefit from having the freedom to separate sexual activity from pro-creation and learn to "as a couple" or as a single enjoy the diversity that comes from the lifestyle have opportunities to enjoy fullness in their sexual expression.

Friendships that come from the lifestyle typically are much deeper and open than those with others that are not freer. Friendships that develop from meeting in the lifestyle seem to build quicker than those that are formed from other associations.

One thing that is very important are you motivations for exploring your sexuality and making sure you are not trying to fix something that is already broken instead of expanding what is already strong and good.
Using the lifestyle as a way to fix a broken marriage will only do more damage that has already been done! The lifestyle is about sexual acceptance and being non-judgmental. People with strong self esteems and high level of personal confidence that are involved in a well balanced and long term relationship that has been built on a solid foundation of trust have the opportunity to enjoy the lifestyle immensely!



Just2Pirates